Time passes, I'm swept up in a life.

I connect here via a bad dongle, signal very poor.

I don't get time to write, or often even to think. Mostly, I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Apart from not getting time to write or thing.

It's May of this year already.

Yesterday I saw Morrismen dancing in the sunshine.

The day before that I defeated this year's enemy, at least I think I did. He just retreated to Latvia with his wife. Could be a gambit but I think it was a vacation. I'm hoping the HR man will burn his desk.

On Tuesday I discover if my victory is sound and where I am to live...

I'm going through old plastic trunks, tearing up the past. Somehow down the years I already tore up the people, so now it's just the paperwork to expedite. I guess that includes busted videotape also. Not sure what to say anymore, to anyone. Even my mother has forgotten my voice.

I got 74 per cent in an ad hoc JavaScript exam.

Yes, I was just playing catch-up here. I promise not to forsake this blog at least for the foreseeable, even if you have to wait for news... the main news is that I don't need to exist here anymore.

I exist elsewhere.

Prague in a few weeks. Popular place for clockwatchers. Tycho Brahe. Einstein. Kepler.

Would you like me to say hello to Kafka for you?

We all had much in common.....

I have no intention of taking the medicine I was prescribed yesterday. Managerial issues. Stressanxietystiffnessinchest. I said nice things to my unbollocked boss and fucked away from there. Travelled by taxi to the Canadian doctor on the other side of town, received only a football pep talk and anti-depressants. Does Dr Dude hand this to everyone of a certain age who arrives in reception ready to burn workplaces? I walked away from there and headed for new dilemmas. Job bites man. Man seeks job. I'm a wonderful graphic designer and I can use semi-colons. I am now adept at filling in formal grievance complaint procedure forms. A little extra skill for the resume. Meanwhile I shiver and shake at my desk and live for the lunch hour. All due to one man who should be sweeping the streets in some emotionally stunted town instead of bludgeoning his way into the role of Deputy Manager. But I won't write about that. I've taken seven days away to calm myself down and let my body grow accustomed to the dental drill fear as best it can.

And to plot my escape.

I have a girlfriend and my girlfriend wants all the things I want and I want all the things she wants and we both want out. We are peering through fences, straining and gawping at the greener grass, the London beach, the ivory tower. We want a custom-built happiness to live in together. We have plans to visit the sea. We watch television dreams and we hold each other's eyes fixed in the hopeful future frame.

We plan to be happy. We toast it daily.

?




-------

I have red eyes and a rucksack of regrets. And I'm facing the future with twitchy excitement, hoping that on judgment day i will still be able to smile...

I'm going to Prague.



No.


WE'RE going to Prague.




In March.




In March we're going to Prague.




Repeat as necessary, excitedly.

It's Boxing Day.

I spent Christmas Day entirely alone. In fact yesterday I only opened my mouth twice and that was to cough.

And I'm quite happy with that. Stop being shocked. You can't imagine how much I have craved solitude all my life. Traditionally my Christmas Day consists of introspection and tidying up. I made a delicious Christmas curry and watched Dr Who and tidied up a lot of shit... and incidentally drank a whole bottle of red wine. (Acutally that would have been fun to share, I admit.)

This year, there's a change. A girlfriend. She's away for the week but she's still here and I don't miss her too much. I stole her ring. And it fits.

I'm happy.

I hope you are.

***

not great lit. just saying hello.

Even when I'm not here, I'm here.

But if I'm not here, that generally means I'm happy.

If anyone out there needs a Christmas greeting, consider yourself greeted. I seem to have lost a lot of addresses this year...... including my own.




Take care.

Sometimes I have dreams and sometimes I have nightmares.

Which is this?

This time she gives me everything I hoped for.

The past couple of weeks were like the rubbish weepy part of a cheap romantic girly flick where there's separation and anguish because the plot happens to demand it at that point.

We're now good, we're okay, we're better, we're stronger.

My main trouble has always been a propensity for suffering the shivery martyrdom, coldly crucified in the poor light of my poor vision. I should watch that. It doesn't always need to be a disaster movie. Sometimes life is more like a sitcom, and often like a commercial.

I have to run but I wanted you to know I was here thinking of you and so on....

Oh yes, blobs are blobs. How are yours?

Good, I hope. x